Dostoevsky trip, or Russian answer to Assimbya
by Katherine NotGreat
Summary: One sleepless night the great Russian writer Th.Dostoevsky while working on his "Crime and Punishment" decided to take a volume of Stoker for amusement...It resulted in a dream where the Count and Mina took the places of Raskolnikoff and Soniya...
1. Chapter1 A tribute to Crime &Punishment

…

….."So you are praying a great deal to your Lord, aren't you?' ,the Count asked in a sarcastic tone.

Mina was silent. He stood by her side as if waiting for her to answer.

"What would have I been if it hadn't been for Our Lord?", she whispered quickly and with much feeling, for she meant it.

"And what does your God do for you in return?", he was still inquiring

Mina didn't utter a word for a long time. Her whole body was trembling with emotional tense.

"Don't ask me questions! You aren't worthy…"She suddenly cried out, throwing an angry glance at him, then looking down again. "He does everything for me. _Everything!"_

With a new, unfamiliar and somewhat painful feeling the Count was looking deeply into that dainty face; those meek brown eyes, which could glare with such a blaze; such a righteous passion; that tiny body still trembling with angst. It all seemed weird to him, practically impossible.

Suddenly he caught a glimpse of the book she still had in her hands. He noticed it from the beginning, but now he finally saw what it was. It was New Testament in English translation. The book was old and apparently much used.

"Where does THIS come from?", he shouted across the room.

Mina was still standing in the same place, near the desk.

"I brought it from home", she answered reluctantly, not looking at him.

Things were definitely becoming weirder and weirder.

The Count crossed the room, put a candle onto the desk, and started turning the pages.

"Where is it here about Lazarus?", he inquired all of a sudden.

She did not answer.

"Where is it about Lazarus' resurrection?", he insisted. "Find it for me, Mina."

Mina rigidly glanced at him from aside.

"You are looking in the wrong place…. it's in St. John's..."

"Oh", he laughed bitterly, "I forgot the Protestant_s_ study the Gospel as diligently as your pupils back in London".

"And you Eastern…" She suddenly cut her phrase

"Go on, you meant, perhaps, "you-Eastern-Orthodox-tend to kiss-the Gospel-more-than-actually-read-it'?" This time he didn't sound sarcastic, though perhaps he meant to.

"I'm sorry, I actually forgot who I was speaking to", she blushed.

"So find it and read it to me out loud,please". The Count sat near the desk, put his head onto his arms and was gloomily looking somewhere aside as he got ready to listen.

Mina made an undecided step towards the desk, took the book back into her hands. She could hardly believe the Count to be having such an eager desire to listen to the Holy Scripture. Nevertheless, she had to proceed.

"Have you never read it yourself?" Mina asked the Count, glancing at him across the desk. Her voice was getting more and more rigid

"Ages ago… when I was young…Now read!"

"Haven't you heard it in Church?"

"Well .. it was also more than 400 years ago." Again his voice seemed rather bitter than malicious.

Mina was in doubts. Her heart was beating quickly. In fact, after all that had happened, she didn't have the heart to read to him.

"Why on earth should you ask me to read Gospel to YOU?", she suddenly whispered as if she was too numb to breathe." You are not believing, are you?…"

"READ! I command you! It's my wish!",he shouted

With trembling hands Mina opened the book and found the necessary abstract. Two times she started reading and two times her voice failed her.

"**Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Martha and her sister Mary**", she finally succeeded in pronouncing.

The Count, of course, understood the reason of her unwillingness to read. He realized that it cost her great pains to show anyone, especially him, the interior of her heart. To show the secret longing which she had nourished within her for a long time, maybe since her childhood, when at the loss of her parents and afterwards , when she felt utterly alone at the boarding school, God became her best friend and comforter…

And from each next word, strangely enough, her voice was becoming higher and higher. So she went up to the 19th verse….

"**And many of the Jews had joined the women about Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother. Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming ,went and met Him, but Mary was sitting in the house. Now Martha said to Jesus: "Lord, if You had been here, my brother wouldn't have died. But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give****you"**

Here she stopped again, feeling her voice might fail her once more

"**Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again". Martha said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day" Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me, shall never die. Do you believe this?" She said to Him…**(Here, having made a deep breathe, as if in pain, Mina pronounced clearly and with force, as if she was confessing it herself out loud )**"Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world"**

She threw a quick glance at the Count's face, then looked down again and continued reading. The latter was sitting motionless at the desk, staring somewhere aside and listening without looking at her. So they came up to the 32th verse..

"**Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died". Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see". Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See, how He loved him!" And some of them said, "Could not this Man, who opened the eyes of the blind, also have kept this man from dying?"**

The Count turned to Mina and was watching her with anxiety. She was already trembling as if some fever seized her. He knew she would behave like this, as they was approaching the passage about the greatest and unheard -of miracle Her voice became solemn and filled with great joy, and that joy gave her a sort of new almost supernatural strength. It didn't matter now she no longer saw what she was reading – she knew those lines by heart. At the last verse she lowered her voice to give a vivid picture of unbelieving people's doubt, reproach and blasphemy, which were soon to give way to awe, tears and emerging faith. "And _he_ too", she thought," he who is now blind and unbelieving, _he _will hear it now and will believe, yes, he will, right here and now…."

"Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, "Take away the stone. Martha, the sister of him who was dead, said to Him, "Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he has been dead four days" She made an emphasis on the word "_four"_. " Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?" Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, "Father, I thank you that You have heard Me. And I know that You always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe that You sent Me". Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come forth!" And he who had died came out (she was shivering as if from cold while reading the lines) bound hand and foot with graveclothes , and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "Loose him and let him go". Then many of the Jews who had come to Mary, and had seen the things Jesus did, believed in Him."

Then she stopped reading, closed the book and quickly stood up.

"I have finished", Mina whispered abruptly, standing still and turning her head aside, avoiding to look into his eyes

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 2 Intermezzo

This chapter will be short, as my kids need much attention

"You know, Wilhelmina", he said at last," I always thought it was a pity you weren't born in 2nd or 3d century Roman Empire in some Eastern nobleman's family. You would surely become one of those beautiful martyrs for Christ, who felt joy while being tortured with hot iron. Yes, you would sacrifice yourself freely and of your own will; and in 4th or 5th century you'd go to the deserts of Egypt to dwell there for another 30 years, feeding on vegetables and visions."

"You are flattering me, Count", she blushed.

"No indeed", he added with a touch of admiration in his voice, "The desire of martyrdom is so great in you, that, if there is no possibility available, you'd perhaps jump out of this window".

" Well, I'd rather not", Mina chuckled

As she moved towards the mentioned window, a sheet of paper fell from her Gospel.

"What's this? A letter to your sweetheart?"

"No, just a feeble attempt to translate an abstract from a Russian writer"

Now the Count was really surprised.

"What do you have to do with Russia and its culture? Surely you wasn't taught it at your London school."

Mina was slow to respond, as if she had her doubts about revealing her interest in the subject.

"No, we didn't learn it at lessons. It all began one day when we girls were surprised by the news that Her Majesty's granddaughter Elizabeth, Princess of Darmshtadt that had married Russian Tsar's uncle, Great Duke Sergius, adopted Orthodox faith. She was converted by her own will, not by law, as the Great Duke isn't a heir to the throne, and never will be."

"And did it shock you much?" Again he spoke as if he was really interested"

Mina was hesitating.

"Yes, at first it did shock me that Her Majesty's favourite granddaughter should abandon the Church she had been brought up in, but then… I realized that faith doesn't have much to do with citizenship or nationality…

"Go on"

"… I just wanted to find the truth. That's why I began my own research…"

"And it led you…." He was already curiosity itself

"Yes", she blushed. "It led me to Russian literature, as theology was too complicated for me at first. So I found _**THE KARAMAZOFF BROTHERS**_


	3. Chapter 3 A tribute to the Karamazoffs

"Fathers and teachers, what is hell

Another minute passed in complete silence

"Don't you think that too much had been said already?" Mina finally answered. "It's not so easy for me to show so much of my inner life in one evening" She wanted to add "to a stranger" and didn't. Could they still be strangers after all?

"You are afraid, then?" He was surprised, as he had always thought her to be stalwart and strong-minded despite all crucibles.

"For myself – no. I'm afraid you are not the one who can stand being accused.

This was surprising indeed

"You are going to accuse me, then? What could be written there in your notes revealing the truth about my existence?

She lowered her head.

"When I was reading the novel, I couldn't imagine that those images should ever come to life. To my life, that had been quite ordinary. I could never imagine this meeting and…I cannot yet digest these arguments myself, and you, of all men, demand of me to share them!

Suddenly she thought of the character of Father Zossimah, to whom those lines belonged in the novel, and it had a soothing effect upon her.

"He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, said the Lord.. flashed through her mind

She gathered her feelings in a grip and started:

"Fathers and teachers, what is hell?

I conceive that it is the suffering about not being able to love anymore…

Now he was all attention.

Once, only once in the eternity which cannot be measured by time or space, a spiritual creature was granted by its appearance on Earth a capability to say to itself:" I AM and I LOVE"

_**Only once a moment of active, agile love was granted to a man, and that for he was given his lifetime and its limits; and what came of it?**_

_**That happy creature denied the priceless gift, didn't appreciate its true value, didn't love back, looked at it with scorn and stayed insensitive.**_

The Count's face fell. It was now even paler than the snow falling outside the castle.

_**Such a person ,after his earthly life is over, can see Abraham's bosom, and speak to Abraham himself( as Our Lord tells us in the proverb about a rich man and a pauper);he even can contemplate the blessed New Jerusalem, but that's why his sufferings are so painful..**_

_**.He suffers that he who had never loved will see the Lord who is Love Himself; that he will see those who did love and whose love he had ignored, and he says to himself, **_she spoke in a bittersweet voice:

"_**Now I gained the knowledge ;and though now I yearn to love, there won't be any feat in it, neither will there be any sacrifice, for my life on Earth is over, and no Abraham will ever come to cool with a drop of living water my thirst for spiritual love that is burning inside me, for no lifetime is left. Though I'd be glad now to sacrifice my own life for others' sake, but alas! It cannot be done, as the life has passed ;the life which could have been sacrificed for love, and now there is and endless abyss between that life and this existence…."**_

She glanced at his face, and saw an anguished look that betrayed his agony

_I cannot go on, _she thought. _But I must… God's will be done!_

_**Some of the fathers tell about the material infernal fire. As for me, I prefer not to investigate this horrible matter, but I personally believe, that even if there was a material fire, poor creatures would be glad to undergo it, as in this material flames they could for a short time forget about their most terrible spiritual torture…And of the latter they cannot be released, for this torture is not exterior, but interior…I dare say, were it possible to release them, it would only add to their unhappiness – to feel the endless love and forgiveness of the righteous and not to be able to put out the fire of the thirst for reciprocal animated and grateful feeling, which is already impossible…**_

_Don't look at me like this, _he thought, as he stole a glance into those eyes, full of pity and compassion. _Don't look at me! Don't you see that you are killing me…_

_**But woe to those who made away with themselves, woe to the suicides! **_Mina was looking now at the wall where the portrait of the Princess hang. _** I conceive that those are the unhappiest creatures in all universe! We are told that it is a sin even to pray for such, considering the outward judgment of our Church, but, I believe secretly in the interior of my soul, that we can pray, as Our Lord surely won't judge us severely for this act of love .And so I did pray, fathers and teachers, every day of my life…**_

_And so shall I _She took a long breath as she was approaching the end

_**Oh, but there are in Hades those who remained proud and fierce, in spite of absolute knowledge of the infallible Truth! the terrible race who had joined the Evil One, having shared his proud spirit! For those beings the hell is voluntary and insatiable; those are free-will sufferers indeed! For they had cursed themselves, having cursed God and the Life.**_ Her voice now had reached its top_** Those are feeding on their own malicious pride, as if some hungry creature in the wilderness began to suck the blood from his own body. But their thirst is insatiate; for they reject the forgiveness and curse God who is calling them to Him; for they cannot contemplate Our Lord without hatred and demand that He and His creation should cease to exist…And so they shall burn forever in the fire of their own rage, pining for the death and non-existence. But death they shall not obtain!**_

Exhausted, Mina sank into the chair near the desk. Then she gave the Count a long look.

There was a fierce fight within his soul. Several minutes passed in a complete silence

"Such a torture to bear", finally her thoughts escaped her lips "and for so long!'

They now were sitting close to each other, sad and broken-hearted, as if they had been cast ashore after the tempest. The Count was contemplating Mina's face; he saw how full of compassion for him it was; and being aware of it, strange as it might seem, now that her heart let him in, he felt even more miserable than before.

An hour later Mina was already joggling in a Gypsy wagon, and as it was carrying her towards the village of Snagov, where she had to find and fetch to the castle (in spite of an unusual hour) Father Stephen, the prior, she was still wondering, why the Count's last wish was to meet an Orthodox priest.

Was it all Dostoevsky, or something more in this?

--

Next morning, as the same wagon was carrying her and Father Stephen away to the railway station, where after writing some letters to her friends and of course to her husband she was going by train to Bucharest, Mina realized at last why the Great Duchess Elizabeth had made her choice – leaving her native country to be married into a strange land inhabited by strange people and adopting a foreign faith.

For she was now determined to do the same, though it had nothing to do with marriage.

Of course nobody will understand her, and Jonathan won't either.

But as she and the prior got on the train, Mina was quite ready to embrace her new fatherland.

My thoughts are not your thoughts, said the Lord, and My ways are not your ways 


End file.
